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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25048201">lucky charms</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypercatt/pseuds/hypercatt'>hypercatt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Lighthearted, M/M, Sibling Interaction, being bad at romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:29:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25048201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypercatt/pseuds/hypercatt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tricia goes to Craig for some advice.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Karen McCormick/Tricia Tucker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>133</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>lucky charms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>it's my bday!!!! and like always, i'm here to post a self indulgent mess of a fic in celebration of the occasion lol;;;<br/>this fic is VERY dumb and i am sorry in advance ;w;<br/>anyway, i hope you can have some fun reading it!!!!<br/>(edit: for some reason the summary wasnt showing up??? hope it's fixed now lol;;;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Craig has never been one for surprises. Melodrama doesn’t really interest him, and he gets bored of big adventures five seconds after they’ve started. There’s something soothing about a life that passes without major event, where days roll by with maybe a minor inconvenience and nothing else. If it was up to Craig, big theatrics just wouldn’t exist at all. An easy existence.</p><p>Unfortunately for him, he’s pretty much the only one who seems to feel this this way. That’s why when the door to his room is thrown open with enough force to shake the wall, Craig doesn’t even flinch.</p><p>“<em>Craig</em>!” The voice of his little sister is angry as she storms up to his bed, and Craig doesn’t have to look away from his laptop to know she’s glaring down at him. “You gave me the gay.”</p><p>For a solid few seconds, Craig keeps staring at his screen, before he blinks towards Tricia’s finger, then towards her untrembling face. “What.”</p><p>“You gave me the gay,” Tricia repeats, withdrawing her arm back to fold them together, and Craig waits for an explanation. He doesn’t get one.</p><p>Instead, he moves back to his screen and resumes scrolling. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“Yes, you do.” Tricia pushes down the lid of his laptop, and he sighs.</p><p>“What did I do?”</p><p>“I told you,” she huffs, “Gave me the-“</p><p>“You can’t <em>catch</em> being gay, idiot,” he says, staring up at her. “That’s not how it works.”</p><p>“No, it does.” Tricia shakes her head, pigtails bobbing. “I looked it up, and it says that if one sibling is gay, it can make the other one gay too. And <em>you’re</em> gay, so it’s your fault.”</p><p>“I don’t think that’s true,” Craig says, though he isn’t really entirely sure. He never looked that deeply into it. Then he pauses, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Wait, are you coming out to me?”</p><p>“No,” Tricia says, then sighs with much too force, throwing herself down on his bed and over his legs. He frowns. “I don’t need to come out because I’m not actually gay. I just caught it off you.”</p><p>“Who are you gay for?” Craig asks, mildly interested now. Tricia scowls, and doesn’t look at him.</p><p>“I’m saying I’m <em>not,</em>” she says. “Do you think it’s something in the cereal? We eat from the same box. Maybe it’s cross-contamination. We learnt about that in Home Ec.”</p><p>“I knew that class sucked, but teaching kids about gay cereal is pretty new.”</p><p>“What am I meant to do,” Tricia groans, draping herself down so that her hair hangs off the other side of the bed. Craig sits up slightly so his head isn’t hunched against his chest, and fully closes his laptop. “You’ve gotta make it go away.”</p><p>“I didn’t make you gay, Tricia.”</p><p>“Well, what <em>did</em> then?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Craig thinks. “I heard the Japanese make guys gay, so maybe Koreans do it to girls.”</p><p>Tricia lets out another aggravated noise, and kicks her legs out. “I’m still going to blame you. You bring Tweek over too much and it made all the air in the house gay.”</p><p>“If that was true, Mom and Dad would be gay too.”</p><p>“But they’re already straight. It doesn’t count.”</p><p>“Weren’t you?”</p><p>“I don’t know!” Tricia flips back up with such a sharp movement that Craig is surprised her spine doesn’t snap. “I’ve never liked a boy. But I thought I was too young.”</p><p>Craig snorts. “Half this town starts dating at like seven years old.”</p><p>“I’m going to sue you,” Tricia says, though her voice is less aggressive now. Craig watches her carefully, aware that as overdramatic as she’s acting, there’s genuine conflict in her face.</p><p>“Are you sure this isn’t you coming out?” he asks.</p><p>“Well, it wasn’t <em>meant </em>to be,” Tricia says. “I don’t want to come out. That feels lame.”</p><p>“Then don’t. I didn’t.”</p><p>“Well, duh.”</p><p>“So, who are you gay for?” Craig tries again. His sister hunches her shoulders as if she’s some kind of brick wall that can’t be seen through, but Craig knows much better. “Is it Kenny’s sister?”</p><p>“What-“ Her ponytail is near close to smacking her in the face as she whips her head around, face flushing. “No.”</p><p>“You don’t have any other friends.”</p><p>“I have other friends.”</p><p>“Like who?”</p><p>“Not important.”</p><p>“Okay. So it’s Kenny’s sister.”</p><p>“If we got married, you guys would be brothers,” Tricia says, looking up thoughtfully, and Craig is close to jerking his knee to knock her off the bed. “Not that we’re going to get married. Well, not for another year at least.”</p><p>“I think you’re still overshooting a bit on the ages,” Craig mutters, rolling his eyes.</p><p>“No! You and Tweek are just taking too long! Mom and Dad might die before you finally do! <em>I </em>might die before then!!”</p><p>“We’re sixteen.”</p><p>“Some people have families by then.”</p><p>“Yeah, in the 1950s.” Craig blinks to attention, annoyed at how easily his sister can change the topic. “So you’re worried because you have a crush on Kenny’s sister.”</p><p>“Yes,” she says finally, nodding her head as if realising this doesn’t even bother her. “And it’s your fault, so you have to help me.”</p><p>Craig quirks an eyebrow. “I’m not magic.”</p><p>“Then what’s the point of all the rainbows? I thought that’s how gay people channel their magical energy.”</p><p>“Don’t tell me you learned that in Home Ec too.”</p><p>“She’s in my Home Ec,” Tricia says, frowning. “Sometimes she can’t get all the ingredients, so I share mine with her. Is that gay?”</p><p>“I don’t know. A little. Context matters.”</p><p>“I think it’s different for girls than guys, anyway,” Tricia continues, back to kicking her legs against the frame of the bed. “Like, you and Tweek only have to hold hands and that’s it, but if me and Karen did that it would just be like, normal.”</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“So what do I do?” she asks, turning to him with concerned eyes. “Or, what are you gonna do.”</p><p>Craig shrugs. “Not my problem.”</p><p>“Yes, your problem! It’s your fault!”</p><p>“I don’t know.” His laptop whirs as he pushes the screen back open. “Ask her out.”</p><p>“Does that work?”</p><p>Craig wants to say that it’s not really very likely, but then again, his track record kind of says otherwise. “Go for it.”</p><p>“And you’ll help?”</p><p>“No. I don’t know anything about dating girls.”</p><p>“But you know about being <em>gay</em>,” she says, then frowns. “I bet Tweek would be better at this stuff than you. You suck.”</p><p>He wants to argue back against that judgment, but he can’t help but agree. “Yeah.”</p><p>Tricia is quiet for a moment, and Craig takes this as enough reason to think it’s safe to start typing again, replying to the few messages that had come through in the past couple of minutes. But his little sister is still there, so he knows that this conversation isn’t over yet, as weird as it might be.</p><p>“Do you and Tweek go on dates?” she asks after a few more seconds, and Craig keeps a hand by the side of the screen just in case she tries to push it down again. “Like, <em>actual</em> dates.”</p><p>“Yes,” Craig says, though he isn’t sure what the difference between an Actual and Not Actual date actually is. “I think so, anyway.”</p><p>“Where do you go? What’s gay enough for a date that it’s gay to even girls?”</p><p>“Just…do something romantic,” Craig says, and really wishes that Tweek was here to offer advice, since he’s always been better at this stuff. Maybe if he sends a text, he’ll catch Tweek on a break and get a reply.</p><p>“I don’t know what’s romantic,” she says, staring down hard at the floor. “I knew you would be bad at this.”</p><p>“Then why did you ask?”</p><p>“Maybe I was hoping that some of Tweek’s smarts would’ve rubbed off on you,” she says. “But you’re still useless.”</p><p>“Just as useless as you, apparently.”</p><p>“<em>You’re</em> older. And gayer.” Tricia sighs. “Whatever, I’ll try and figure something out. There’s a bunch of articles I didn’t read yet.”</p><p>“Stop using Google for dating advice.”</p><p>“More than you’ll give me,” Tricia says, finally pulling herself up from his bed with a decisive movement. “Just watch, Craig. I’m gonna beat you.”</p><p>Craig snorts. “Go for it.”</p><p>“Say goodbye to your title of South Park’s most iconic gays,” she carries on, next to the door but still not leaving. “’Cause that’s gonna be me.”</p><p>She finally strides out the room, shutting the door again harder than necessary, and Craig just stares after her, before looking down at his laptop again.</p><p>Why it has to be a competition, he has no idea.</p><p>-</p><p>One of the things that Craig likes most about having lifelong friends is that it’s a lot easier to indoctrinate them into the guinea pig life. Back when they were kids, none of his group had really cared that much, only sparing glances at the cage in the corner of his room, but things are different now. After years of convincing, his friends had finally given in and accepted guinea pigs as the superior pet. He’d also stopped giving them a choice about it.</p><p>“I’m just saying,” Clyde says, watching as Stripe runs across the floor away from his legs. “If you watch the movie, you really don’t need to read the book.”</p><p>“I agree,” Craig says, holding out a hand for Stripe to sniff before she sets off across the room again. “It’s the same thing.”</p><p>“It’s <em>not</em> the same thing,” Tweek huffs, frowning at the two of them. “You’re gonna fail, man.”</p><p>“Yeah, like, you guys do realise you have to include quotes from the book, right?” Token raises an eyebrow at them from his place at the other side of the room. "That's the point of the class."</p><p>“It’s important enough, the movie’ll have it too,” Clyde says, shrugging, then snorts as Stripe tries to stick her head up the leg of his trousers. “No, dude, don’t go up there.”</p><p>“Scars forever,” Jimmy adds, grinning, and thankfully Stripe seems to get the idea, scurrying away again. Craig likes it when they all just sit on the floor like this and let her run around between them. It probably reminds her that other people exist. Though, he’s sure she still likes Tweek best, which is annoying, but understandable.</p><p>“You’re not supposed to have the door closed with Tweek here,” Tricia’s voice calls out from behind the door, and Craig rolls his eyes as the others snicker.</p><p>“Everyone’s here. And Stripe’s out.”</p><p>“No way,” she says, and throws the door open, then screws up her face when she realises it’s the truth. “Oh.”</p><p>“Hi, Tricia,” Clyde greets with a grin, and is predictably met with a blank faced blink. Instead, Tricia turns to Tweek and holds up a hand, and Tweek replies with a small wave. Clyde pouts at the obvious favouritism. “Not fair.”</p><p>“Well, if I had to rank all of you,” Tricia starts, shutting the door behind her and slinking down. “I’d put Stripe first.”</p><p>“Owch,” Token says, and Jimmy shakes his head sadly.</p><p>“What do you want,” Craig asks, half-annoyed and half-concerned that this is the second time his sister has invaded his room in two days.</p><p>“I haven’t thought of anything yet,” Tricia says, watching with a still face as Stripe runs up to her and twitches slightly. Her expression doesn’t change even as she strokes her with a straight palm. “My love story is over before it’s even began.”</p><p>“Sucks.”</p><p>“Love story?” Clyde asks, grinning widely. “Is that what you were talking about yesterday, Craig?”</p><p>“Wow, Craig, you’re not supposed to do that,” Tricia says, folding her arms. “You outed me. And that’s punishable by law.”</p><p>“No, it’s not,” Craig says. “And it doesn’t count if you’re my little sister.”</p><p>“Arrested for crime against g-gay,” Jimmy says, grinning, and Craig just rolls his eyes.</p><p>“It’s really sweet!” Clyde carries on, and the others nod in agreement. Tricia just stares down with an expression that would be otherwise unbothered, if it wasn’t for her reddening cheeks. “I’m rooting for you.”</p><p>“I haven’t even asked her out yet,” Tricia mutters. “I can’t think of anything gay enough. Maybe I need to change my hair again."</p><p>“What’s gay enough?” Token asks, frowning. “Is there like…a rule I don’t know about?”</p><p>“No,” Craig says, at the same time Tricia says ‘yes’. “She’s kind of overplaying this whole thing.”</p><p>“It’s not overplaying it! You just wouldn’t get it ‘cause you’re a guy and it’s different for guys.”</p><p>“I think I get it,” Tweek says. “Like, ngh…platonic love is a lot more casual between girls, right?”</p><p>“I don’t know what that is, but yes,” Tricia says.</p><p>“Don’t agree with it just ‘cause it’s Tweek,” Craig says, glad when Stripe finally settles by his knee.</p><p>“<em>You</em> do.”</p><p>“That’s different.”</p><p>“At least deny it!” Tweek reprimands, jabbing him with his elbow. Craig just shrugs. No point in lying.</p><p>“This is besides the point,” Tricia says, frowning. Then she turns and points a finger out at Jimmy, who blinks. “You! You’ve had the most girlfriends, right? I follow you on Facebook.”</p><p>“Uh oh, c-c-called out,” Jimmy says, grinning sheepishly.</p><p>“I’m only like, three behind,” Clyde sulks, head down.</p><p>“What’s the secret?” Tricia demands. “Even if they’re straight, there has to be some overlap.”</p><p>“Uhhh…” Jimmy pauses for a few seconds. “Comedy?”</p><p>“I can do that,” Tricia says.</p><p>“No, you can’t,” Craig says. Jimmy seems brightened by the prospect anyway, and Craig is scared for a moment that he’s going to teach his sister the same dumb one-liners that he always uses. Craig really doesn’t think he could handle having two people in his life making puns constantly.</p><p>“Jimmy has a lot of girlfriends, but they never last that long,” Token points out, and Craig is thankful for it. “You’d be better asking someone who’s more long term.”</p><p>“Or who has a lot of feelings when they’re in the relationship!” Clyde argues. “Just ‘cause she broke up with me doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel it! And isn’t the emotion the most important part?”</p><p>“There there, buddy,” Jimmy says, patting him on the back.</p><p>“This is useless," Tricia says. "You guys are useless.”</p><p>“I really don’t know what you expected,” Craig says.</p><p>“Going to the movies is like a date thing, right?” Tricia asks then. “But girls go to movies together all the time. That’s the problem. How do I make it gayer? Offer to pay? If I’m gay do I have to be the guy like in a straight couple?”</p><p>“Really not how it works.”</p><p>“If I pay, and then we get food after, maybe that increases the gay points,” Tricia mutters, and Craig decides to give up on trying to be helpful. “Mom and Dad’ll give me the money if I tell them it’s for a gay date, right?”</p><p>“Does that still work for you?” Tweek asks, eyes wide, and Craig just shrugs.</p><p>“Occasionally.” The success of that trick had fallen in the past few years, but it still has its moments, even for him who had been trying it for nearly a decade. For his sister though, it'd be basically guaranteed.</p><p>“I wish I got gay date money,” Clyde says, pouting.</p><p>“Go on a gay date then,” Jimmy suggests, and Clyde frowns as if actually considering it. Craig is glad he’s taken.</p><p>“Movies doesn’t sound bad though,” Token says. “That’s a pretty standard first date, right?”</p><p>“I got it figured out.” Tricia stands up, staring down at them all. She’s tall for her age, and it heightens the superiority she’s radiating over them. “I’ll ask her out at the weekend, offer to pay, be super romantic and charming, and then we’ll get married.”</p><p>“Gah, isn’t that a little ambitious?”</p><p>“Let me be your best man!” Clyde cries.</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Tricia says, then turns swiftly and leaves with as much force as she entered with. Stripe jumps at the sudden noise, and Craig can feel Tweek’s shoulders twitch just a little beside him.</p><p>“I told you,” Craig says after a moment of silence. “She’s crazy.”</p><p>“What do they call it?” Token asks, smiling. “Puppy love?”</p><p>“Puppy love but she keeps saying the word ‘gay’ every five second,” Craig mutters.</p><p>“We could t-turn it into a drinking game,” Jimmy says thoughtfully.</p><p>“You’d be dead within five minutes.”</p><p>“I’m really rooting for them,” Clyde says, face already goopy with emotion. “Keep us updated, man! I’ve gotta know how it ends.”</p><p>Craig is pretty sure he could get a better-quality romance story from the dollar store, but he doesn’t outright refuse, because he knows he won’t get a choice in how involved he has to be in this. His sister has chosen him as a witness for her disaster dating saga, and there’s nothing he can do about it.</p><p>The sooner this ends, the better.</p><p>-</p><p>Craig almost forgets about the entire thing until late afternoon the following Saturday, when him and Tweek walk into the house to find Tricia apparently enraptured with destroying his PlayStation controller, smashing the buttons so hard that Craig can hear it before he’s even shut the door. She’s still stone-faced, but furiously so.</p><p>The look that Tweek gives him is enough to show that this is weird behaviour, and Craig sighs, shutting the door and passing the bag of groceries to Tweek to take to the kitchen. Putting them away is the easy bit anyway, and his parents don’t care how he does the chores so long as they actually got done. Even if that means always dragging his boyfriend along to the store with him.</p><p>“You’re going to break that,” Craig says, moving over and leaning on the back of the sofa, watching a six-kill combo message pop up on screen. He raised an eyebrow. “How did your date go?”</p><p>“Fine,” Tricia says, not looking away. Her character reloads their gun, and ducks behind a wall. “Terrible.”</p><p>“Oh. That sucks.”</p><p>“It’s worse than that,” Tricia says, mashing the buttons with increased intensity. “I might never be able to show my face to her again. Or the cinema. Or the pizza place. Craig, I might have to assume a new identity and move to Mexico.”</p><p>“You don’t speak Spanish.”</p><p>“I can learn.”</p><p>Craig glances to the kitchen, wary of Tweek overhearing before he asks, “Did you kill someone?”</p><p>“Only my dignity,” Tricia says, then all at once slams the controller down against the sofa, which Craig is very glad is a soft surface because he doubts his mom would make his twelve-year old sister pay for a seventy-dollar controller. “Why don’t you help Tweek put away the groceries? You’re a bad boyfriend, Craig.”</p><p>“At least I’m dating my gay crush,” Craig says, and Tricia tilts her head back, groaning. “So what did you do?”</p><p>“I was gonna be super cool and romantic,” Tricia starts, folding her arms and frowning. “I even asked Mom and Dad and they gave me extra money so I could pay for her. Alpha lesbian style.”</p><p>“What the fuck is an alpha lesbian?”</p><p>“I didn’t know it was a sad film,” Tricia says, snapping her head over to look at Craig, expression fierce.</p><p>“You made her cry.”</p><p>“<em>I </em>cried,” Tricia says, burying her face into her hands. “Karen didn’t, but I did, and I was still crying when the movie ended, and on the way out, and whilst we were eating pizza too.”</p><p>Craig snorts. “Jesus.”</p><p>“Do they speak English in Singapore? I need to move.”</p><p>“Ngh, who’s moving to Singapore?” Tweek asks as he re-enters the room, and Craig almost exhales with relief.</p><p>“Tricia fucked up her date.”</p><p>“Oh!” Tweek turns to Tricia, who’s still staring dejectedly at the TV, then frowns sadly. “Oh no.”</p><p>“I thought it would be easy,” she mutters, expression sour. “It’s Craig’s fault. You were supposed to give me some of your gay magic.”</p><p>“Uh, what??” Tweek looks towards Craig, who just shrugs. “Well- I’m sure it wasn’t too bad!! Maybe you just, ngh, misread her?”</p><p>“That’s the <em>thing</em>, though,” Tricia stresses. “She was really nice about it. She kept saying how she thought it was super sad too and wanted to cry, and asking if I was okay, and giving me tissues and smiling at me all nice.”</p><p>Craig frowns. “How is that a failure?”</p><p>“Because I was meant to be the alpha lesbian, god, Craig, I just said that.”</p><p>“It sounds like she was just worried about you!” Tweek says, glancing towards Craig. “I mean, if Craig started crying whilst watching a movie, I’d be worried too.”</p><p>“Has that ever happened?”</p><p>“It-“</p><p>“Even if it had, it wouldn’t matter,” Craig cuts in, pulling a face. “It’s not a big deal if you cried if she didn’t mind.”</p><p>“But I ruined all the plans I had,” Tricia continues. “I was reading about it. You’re meant to kiss goodbye at the end of a first date, it’s how you show her that you want to see each other again.”</p><p>“Right, except that you literally see each other in school every day anyway.”</p><p>“Tweek, you understand me, right?” Tricia looks to Tweek instead, who just blinks rapidly at her. “It’s about being romantic. Craig clearly doesn’t get it.”</p><p>“Um, maybe you could try another date?” Tweek tries, biting his cheek as he thinks. “Pick a movie you know isn’t sad?”</p><p>“See, that’s a good idea,” Tricia says, back to glaring at Craig. “Tweek comes up with good idea. Not like you.”</p><p>Craig raises his middle finger and Tricia returns it, making Tweek laugh a little. It doesn’t make sense to Craig, but Tweek likes hanging around his house even when his family are there, and acts like they’re super interesting and nice people even though Craig thinks they’re all pretty lame. Maybe it’s because they’re at least not all batshit crazy like Tweek’s family. He’s allowed to say that because Tweek agrees.</p><p> “Okay, next week, I’ll try again,” Tricia says, nodding to herself. “If I invite her over can that still be gay? Or does that make it like, just a best friends thing. That’s different for girls too I think.”</p><p>“Ngh, maybe??” Tweek keeps glancing at Craig as if he understands anything his sister is saying, and the expectation is nice but also totally unfounded. He stopped trying to get on Tricia’s brainwaves years ago. “It’s tricky at first but- you can figure it out for sure!”</p><p>“Tweek, you’re so nice,” Tricia says. “I’m sorry you had to end up with someone as lame as my brother.”</p><p>“What- no, ack!” Tweek’s hair bounces as he furiously shakes his head. “I like being Craig’s boyfriend!! I wouldn’t if I didn’t!”</p><p>“Thanks, babe,” Craig says, glad at least that Tweek has his back against his sister.</p><p>“I’m gonna be this town’s first lesbian,” Tricia says, picking up the controller with newfound determination that makes Craig fear for the life of his X button. “You guys already stole that for boys, but I’m gonna start a movement. Everyone’s gonna swoon over us and write songs.”</p><p>“Gh, it’s actually a lot of pressure…” Tweek shivers. “Are you sure you want that?”</p><p>“Absolutely.” Tricia nods as the new game starts up. “I’ll marry her.”</p><p>“That’s a big development considering last week you didn’t even know you liked her,” Craig says, raising an eyebrow, and Tweek just smiles fondly, as if the idea isn’t as crazy as it is. Tricia doesn’t reply any further, seemingly done with their conversation, and Craig just shrugs again before turning to head upstairs, Tweek at his side.</p><p>“It’s kinda cute,” he says once they’re in his room, and grins as Stripe comes out at the sound of his voice. “She reminds me of you at that age.”</p><p>“No way.” Craig sits on his bed, watching Tweek slide a treat through the bars. “I wasn’t that annoying.”</p><p>“Sometimes you were,” Tweek says, still smiling, and Craig would be annoyed if the way he’s staring down at Stripe wasn’t so cute. “Maybe they really will get together.”</p><p>“Great, then Kenny can be out after my ass,” Craig says, then winces at the thought of something even worse. “If they break up, he might actually kill me.”</p><p>“No way, man,” Tweek says, though he looks a little concerned about that possibility too. “You can give her good relationship coaching then, ngh. Make sure they never do.”</p><p>“You’d be better at that than me,” Craig says, and Tweek turns around to give him a soft smile as if he’d just said that to be nice, even though it’s true.</p><p>-</p><p>As true to the universal unspoken sibling pact, Craig stays up in his room the next Saturday, keen to stay away from whatever poor attempt of flirting his sister is sure to be doing downstairs. The more he thinks about it, the more it seems totally impossible that anything will happen, considering Tricia seems to get all her dating information off the internet on sites aimed for straight people twenty years older than her. But Tweek is rooting for them, so Craig supposes he should try to be a little bit supportive.</p><p>Still, it’s hard not to feel just slightly bitter about the fact Tricia is getting a date night when he’s still waiting for Tweek to finish his weekend shift. He gets every other Saturday off, but sometimes it feels like once every thousand years. The bitterness increases when his phone buzzes not with a text from Tweek or even any of his other friends, but Tricia, despite being literally thirty seconds away.</p><p>
  <em>did mom move the router</em>
</p><p>Craig frowns, texting back ‘<em>no’</em>, and then adding ‘<em>why’</em>. She only takes a few seconds to reply with ‘<em>internets being shit come help’, </em>and Craig sighs, pulling himself up and putting his laptop to one side. If he doesn’t go, she’ll probably just try breaking down his door again.</p><p>When he slumps downstairs, he’s greeted with the sight of his sister holding up the internet router, her laptop on the lap of Kenny’s sister, who’s sat on the sofa with an easy smile.</p><p>“It says it’s working,” Tricia says, holding the router as if she’s about to crush it in her hands. “It’s still not loading?”</p><p>Karen shakes her head, glancing at the laptop. “Maybe the site’s just not all that good.”</p><p>“It was working earlier,” Tricia says, then seems to notice Craig. “Craig, fix it.”</p><p>“Stop using illegal pirating sites for your movies,” he says, and Tricia easily flips him off.</p><p>“I don’t mind!” Karen says brightly, and glances a little nervously at Craig. She doesn’t look that much like Kenny, but then again, he could probably count the amount of times he’s seen Kenny’s full face on one hand, so. Maybe she does. “If it doesn’t work, maybe we can just play a game or something!”</p><p>“But- we’re meant to be watching the movie,” Tricia says, then gives the router a dirty look as if it’s the cause for all her life problems. It’s a look normally reserved for Craig, so he’s a little grateful.</p><p>“Well, we can wait for it to buffer whilst we play!” Karen suggests.</p><p>“But…” Tricia stares down, eyebrows just slightly down, and Craig is sure that she’s trying to figure out if video games are romantic. Or, romantic in a lesbian way.</p><p>“Okay, well, you guys don’t need my help,” Craig says before she can ask him, and turns to leave.</p><p>“Wait!” Tricia commands, and he rolls his eyes, twisting back around to see her thrust out the router towards him. The force of the movement causes one of the cables to detach, and her eyes barely flicker towards it as she keeps staring at him with a hard expression. “Fix it.”</p><p>Craig lowers an eyebrow. “How.”</p><p>“Just fix it.” She shakes the box again, causing the cables to jolt a little more. “Or- the sleepover’ll be ruined.”</p><p>“I don’t think it’s ruined-“ Karen tries again, but it appears to fall on deaf ears.</p><p>“It’ll suck if we can’t watch the film,” Tricia continues, and Craig resists another eyeroll as he moves over and takes the box from his sister. Like he’s got any kind of special internet powers. “I think you’re really gonna like it, Karen. It’s super good, it’s mostly action but it has cute family bits too.”</p><p>“It sounds nice,” Karen says, and smiles. “But it’s okay if it won’t work.”</p><p>“It will,” is all Tricia says, and Craig just shoots her a look as he presses the off button on the router, taking the time to plug the removed cable back in whilst he waits.</p><p>It probably has nothing to do with the internet anyway. More likely just the site itself is no good. But the fierce glint in Tricia’s eyes is letting him know that he has no chance of simply explaining that and removing himself from being the weird third wheel in this date-not-date. It’s hard to tell exactly what’s going on, honestly.</p><p>Craig clicks the router back on and waits for the light to stop blinking. He glances back to his sister, and can’t help but notice how they’re sat together on the sofa. Kind of far but not too far, an obvious gap between then that might only be more obvious because Craig knows his sister’s feelings. It’s annoying, but it <em>does</em> remind him of how him and Tweek used to sit early on. God, he really hopes he isn’t actually similar to her. Craig doesn’t remember trying this hard.</p><p>“Is it working?” Tricia asks when she catches him staring, eyes on the laptop screen. “It’s not working.”</p><p>“I did all I could.”</p><p>“All you did was press a button.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Craig puts the box back down by the TV and starts upstairs again. “Just use a different site.”</p><p>“This is the only one,” Tricia says, and he can feel her harsh glare even without turning around. “You suck, Craig. I’m blaming this on you.”</p><p>“Okay, sure.” Not that he wasn’t expecting that.</p><p>“Maybe we can watch it next time,” Karen suggests, as if the whole thing doesn’t bother her at all. It probably doesn’t. His sister really needs to get a clue. “Don’t worry, Tricia! It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“See, there’s no problem here,” Craig says, and manages to escape back upstairs before his sister can throw anything else at him, both metaphorically and literally. He’s glad for it, since she annoyingly has pretty good aim.</p><p>The others are hounding him for a reply when he gets back to his laptop, reprimanding him for not telling them before he disappeared. When he tells them it was something to do with Tricia, they seem a lot more forgiving, especially Clyde, and Craig watches the messages fill up his screen. Even when they start a game, the notifications don’t stop, and Craig laments over having such a hopeless romantic as a friend. Not to say he isn’t hoping for a good outcome too, but…</p><p>Craig’s ping stays steady throughout the game, no connection issues present. He really doubts that movie is going to work.</p><p>-</p><p>Sometime around 1am, Craig makes the possibly unwise decision to slink back downstairs. It doesn’t sound too loud, and he wants a bag of chips more than he cares about Tricia yelling at him about bad internet connection, so he just goes for it without a second thought. When he reaches the lounge, the lights are off but the lamp on, and Tricia is curled up on the seat next to the sofa, illuminated by the glow of her phone. Karen is sprawled out on the sofa asleep, whether that’s a good or a bad thing.</p><p>As much as he’d been hoping to escape to the kitchen without being spotted, Tricia’s eyes instantly fly up as soon as he takes his first step, and his shoulders drop, looking back at her.</p><p>“This is your fault,” she mutters, voice quiet but not a whisper. Craig moves closer towards her (and the kitchen).</p><p>“It’s not my fault. If you wanted to watch it so bad, you should’ve just bought it. Or used Netflix.”</p><p>“It’s not on Netflix, idiot,” Tricia says, then sighs hard. “It was gonna be so perfect. Why is this so hard? It’s not meant to be this hard.”</p><p>“You’ve only been trying for two weeks.”</p><p>“That’s a long time.”</p><p>“For a beetle.”</p><p>“Don’t call me a beetle, asshole.” Even in the darkness, her middle finger is easy to make out, and Craig quickly returns it. “We just played games all night. That’s what we <em>always </em>do. I haven’t collected any gay points at all. Zero.”</p><p>“It’s really not that bad,” Craig says, glancing over at Karen asleep on the sofa, one arm tucked under her head and the other hugging their couch cushion to her chest. He doesn’t get why she didn’t just use it as a pillow, but if she shares her common sense with Kenny, maybe it’s more understandable. “She seems fine to me.”</p><p>“She fell asleep like thirty minutes ago,” Tricia says, resting her head on her knees as she stares at her with a mournful look. “I bet the movie’s buffered by now.”</p><p>“I doubt that.”</p><p>“I looked super hard for a good one. It even has a lesbian couple in it. That was gonna be my thing. Like, hinting. I had a plan.”</p><p>“I don’t think that would’ve worked anyway.”</p><p>“I’m giving up on movies,” Tricia says, picking her phone back up. “It’s a bad luck omen. I’m cursed.”</p><p>“You’ve tried twice.”</p><p>“I’ve gotta try something else,” Tricia carries on, eyes narrowed at her phone. “Something that’s gonna make her totally fall in love with me so we can buy a house and get married.”</p><p>“Buy a house and get married,” Craig repeats, staring.</p><p>“Yes,” Tricia says, voice unwavering. “We could buy a pet rat or something. Karen likes rodents and stuff ‘cause Kenny likes them too. And a rat is like a guinea pig so I bet I’d like it too.”</p><p>“No,” Craig says, frowning. “A rat is <em>not</em> like a guinea pig. Don’t say that.”</p><p>“A mouse. A chinchilla. We’ll have a house of rodents and no boys will ever bother us.”</p><p>“If you can find someone who wants to have a house of rodents with you, you’ve probably got as good as you’re going to get.”</p><p>“I bet she would.” Tricia sighs quietly. “I want to marry her.”</p><p>“Date first.”</p><p>“I’m <em>trying</em>.” Tricia starts typing rapidly on her phone, and Craig really hopes she’s not going back to those weird relationship sites again. “I need another date idea. I need- wait.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Rodents.”</p><p>“Mom’ll kill you if you bring a rat in.”</p><p>“No, idiot, we already have a rodent.”</p><p>“Stripe is <em>not</em>-“</p><p>“Google says so,” Tricia says, holding up her phone. Craig eyes can’t even adjust to the flash of brightness before she pulls it back again, and he’s kind of glad he didn’t have to see it. “Stripe could be my wingman. Wingwoman. Stripe can be all cute and then she’ll fall in love with me. Maybe that’s the real reason Stripe ended up being a girl this time. She’s the lesbian guinea pig messiah and she’s gonna make all my dreams come true.”</p><p>“Stripe is not a lesbian guinea pig messiah.”</p><p>“She’s gonna make my dreams come true,” Tricia repeats, and Craig gets the impression she’s talking to herself more than him. Then she looks up, staring at him. “Go away. You’re gonna wake up Karen.”</p><p>Craig wants to point out that it was her who even started the conversation, but there’s really no point, so he just flips her off again as he moves to the kitchen to grab his chips. They’ve collected a fair amount of trash on the counter, and Craig has the urge just to sweep it all into the bin with one arm. But also, he doesn’t want to do his sister’s chores for her. That’s her job.</p><p>Maybe she can turn it into another romantic activity, he thinks dryly as he turns around, heading back upstairs.</p><p>-</p><p>Craig tries not to think too hard about what plan Tricia is hatching to use Stripe as a matchmaker, and manages to avoid it for until Sunday afternoon the following week, when he hears the door open downstairs and two voices talking. He glances at Tweek from across the room, who looks up from his laptop with a small smile.</p><p>“Is she still trying?” he asks, and a laugh sounds from downstairs.</p><p>“Yup,” Craig says. “And still won’t shut up about it.”</p><p>“At least it shows she’s enthusiastic?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Craig says, and realises that it’s kind of true. Most things his sister gives up on or gets bored of within a few days at most, with only a few exceptions in the middle. Seems like this is another one. “She said she was going to use Stripe as a wingman.”</p><p>Tweek glances at the cage, where Stripe is busy being fast asleep. “Did…she run out of ideas?”</p><p>“I don’t think she had any to start with.”</p><p>“Gh, you know, if Tricia and Karen really got married, you and Kenny would be brothers, kind of.”</p><p>“Please don’t remind me,” Craig says, staring back down at his homework which is still only half-complete. Maybe that’s good enough.</p><p>“Did she tell your parents yet?”</p><p>“Vaguely. She told them she needed money for a gay date and hasn’t mentioned it since. I can’t tell if she’s embarrassed about it or not.”</p><p>“She seems pretty open around us,” Tweek says, and when Craig looks up, he’s smiling. “I think she trusts you a lot.”</p><p>“She just thinks me being gay has something to do with her also being gay.”</p><p>“Gh, why?”</p><p>“Cereal,” Craig replies, and thinks that maybe the only person in the world who wouldn’t question that is Tweek, who just nods and turns back around. So amazing.</p><p>They get about two more minutes in silence before Craig hears the all too telling footsteps on the stairs, two figures appearing in his doorway. Tricia looks decisively less aloof than usual, though that might just be a side effect of having a very smiley and friendly looking girl next to her.</p><p>“You know Tweek, right?” Tricia says, pointing over at him and making him flinch like she’d just shot lightning from her fingertip. “My dumb brother’s boyfriend.”</p><p>“I think so?” Karen says, blinking at the two of them. “Um, hi again.”</p><p>“Are you going to interrupt me every weekend now?” Craig asks, raising an eyebrow as Tricia strides into the room, Karen following along after her.</p><p>“What, it’s not like you’re making out,” Tricia says without looking up, making a move to unlatch Stripe’s door.</p><p>“She’s sleeping.”</p><p>“They’re not nocturnal,” Tricia says. “She’s just being lazy.”</p><p>“Let her be lazy then.”</p><p>Tricia sighs, shooting Craig a look over her shoulder, before she turns her attention to the bag of treats tucked beside the cage. At the sound of the bag, Stripe scuffles to the front of the bars, standing up on her hind legs. Karen laughs.</p><p>“She is a <em>little</em> like a rat,” she says, and the only reason Craig doesn’t forcibly remove her from his room at that comment is because she says it as if it’s an actual compliment. “She’s cute!”</p><p>“You can feed her if you want,” Tricia says, holding out the bag with a kindness Craig is sure he’s never seen from her before. “Her favourite is carrots. She’ll like, squeak and stuff, if you give her some.”</p><p>“Not too many,” Craig warns as Tricia makes work on sliding a tiny carrot between the bars, Stripe taking it gratefully and nearly swallowing the whole thing in one go. Within seconds she’s back to sniffing at the bars for more, and Craig watches in dismay. She’s already spoilt enough. This isn’t helping.</p><p>“Here.” Tricia hands Karen one of the carrot, and she beams as she copies Tricia in sliding it through the bars, laughing as Stripe tries to grab it from her. She’s holding it a little too far down, like Clyde used to do, and Craig is just about to open his mouth when Karen flinches and jumps back, dropping the carrot into the cage. Oh, great.</p><p>“Oh my god are you okay-“ Tricia pales when Karen holds up her hand for inspection, blood rising from the tip. “Did she <em>bite</em> you-?”</p><p>“It’s okay-!”</p><p>“You’re bleeding, ack!” Tweek jumps up, nearly sending his chair to the floor, and Craig just lets out a sigh, leaning back against his wall. And here comes the total chaos. Amazing how all it took was one carrot. “Oh jeez, you need to get it cleaned up, it might get infected!”</p><p>“No, I’m fine!” To her credit, Karen keeps up her smile, even if it’s a little shakier now. “It hardly even hurts, I probably just had my finger too close, and I’ve been bitten by stuff before so-“</p><p>“No way, man!” Tweek all but drags her from the room, leaving a wide-eyed Tricia behind, still stood by the cage where Stripe is waiting for her next treat. Hopefully she won’t have a taste for blood now.</p><p>Craig doesn’t say anything as his sister leans her head back against the wall, looking like she’s hoping for it to swallow her up. “Stripe bit her.”</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“Am I cursed?” Tricia asks the ceiling, arms dangling by her side. “I might be cursed.”</p><p>“It’s not like she’s never bit anyone before.”</p><p>“Has she bit Tweek before?”</p><p>“No, but he’s careful-“</p><p>“Then it’s not the same!” Tricia sends a disdainful look towards Stripe. “What’s your problem? Don’t you want me to find love? You were supposed to be cute. You were supposed to be convincing.”</p><p>“It’s not her fault.”</p><p>“You know, you’re acting all chill, but what do you think Kenny’s gonna say when he sees his little sister go home with a sliced-up finger?” Tricia asks, glaring at him. Craig wants to say he’s not scared of that possibility, but. Yeah. Actually. “This might actually be a curse though. I cried at the movie, the internet broke, and now guinea pig finger murder. This is like, the exact opposite of what was meant to happen.”</p><p>“She wasn’t upset,” Craig points out, though Tricia’s frown doesn’t ease. “It’s fine. Go comfort her.”</p><p>“And say <em>what</em>? Sorry for fucking up every single date-not-date we have with each other?”</p><p>“Could work.”</p><p>“You are useless,” Tricia says firmly. She looks like she’s about to exit the room to maybe go find her damsel in distress, when Tweek ushers her back into the room, speaking so fast that Craig has to focus to pick up on anything.</p><p>“-washed it out so it won’t get infected, and it stopped bleeding as much which means you’re not gonna bleed out, and a bandaid to prevent it from bacteria-“</p><p>“Thanks, babe,” Craig says, and Tweek stops, his shaking easing up. “Don’t know what we’d do without you.”</p><p>“I’m- so sorry,” Tricia tries, and Karen just shakes her head.</p><p>“Don’t worry. The bandaids you have here a lot cuter than the ones we have at home!”</p><p>“She doesn’t…normally bite people,” Tricia says, glancing back to the cage. Karen steps closer to her, leaning to grab another carrot from the bag.</p><p>“I’ll be more careful this time,” she says, and Tricia stares as she easily puts the carrot through the bar, keeping her fingers around the top and letting go before Stripe can work her way all the way up. It’s kind of impressive to Craig, honestly. The first time Stripe had bitten Clyde he’d refused to even step in Craig’s room for the next two months. The lack of trust had basically stuck around until Stripe was reincarnated once more.</p><p>“I want to get a pet one day,” Karen carries on. “I don’t know what, but I’d like something cute.”</p><p>“A rat,” Tricia says, and Craig rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, that’d be fun! They’re really clever, you know. They like being in groups, so I’d have to get more than one.”</p><p>“You see,” Tricia says to Craig, giving him a deliberate look. “You <em>see</em>.”</p><p>Thankfully they retreat back to Tricia’s room a few minutes later, leaving them in peace, and Craig stares back at the homework that he’s made no progress on in twenty minutes. Tweek is typing slightly too frantically on his laptop, probably still a little worried.</p><p>“Babe, can you come help with this work?” Craig asks, and Tweek blinks as he spins around to look at him. “I don’t get it.”</p><p>“Oh, uh- sure.”</p><p>Craig shifts to the side to let Tweek slide beside him on the covers, moving his book so that it balances between them. Tweek stares down at it for a few seconds, before he looks back to Craig with a frown.</p><p>“Ngh, you think they’ll be okay?”</p><p>“They’re fine,” Craig says, annoyed but not surprised that they’re still talking about them even when they’re gone. “If I was showing you Stripe and you got bit, you wouldn’t hate me, would you?”</p><p>“No way.” Tweek shakes his head rapidly. “But I’d probably have to check to see that guinea pigs can’t carry rabies or something. Kenny’s sister didn’t seem worried about that though…”</p><p>“See, they’re fine.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tweek says, and Craig lets his head drop to lean against him. “Everything you’ve written so far looks fine. Mm, maybe you need more detail, but it’s fine.”</p><p>“Why are you worried about Tricia anyway? It’s just a dumb kid thing.”</p><p>“Yeah, but we were a dumb kid thing too.”</p><p>“We kind of are still.”</p><p>“No way.” Tweek pouts at him. “I just- think I’d be sad if we didn’t work out. So I’d be sad for Tricia too.”</p><p>It’s a nice thing to say, one of those nice things that Craig wouldn’t even have ever thought about if Tweek hadn’t said it. “She’ll figure it out. It hasn’t been that long.”</p><p>“I hope so,” Tweek says, then pushes the paper back to him. “You’ve still gotta finish this.”</p><p>“Fine,” Craig sighs out, but is happy that Tweek doesn’t move away from even though it’s obvious he doesn’t really need any help. The extra motivation is nice, at least.</p><p>-</p><p>It slips his mind again for a week or so, since Tricia doesn’t really bring it up around their parents, and they tend to linger around more in the weekdays. Other than the odd look from Tricia whilst texting during dinner or his friends dropping a comment about it at school, Craig doesn’t really think about it too much. Maybe it’ll even pass. Maybe it was just an overreaction from the start, and she’s gotten over her crush.</p><p>He’s more focused on how annoying the wind is that day coming back from school, pulling his hat further down to protect his hair even as he reaches his door. He’s still annoyed about it as he steps in, and has plans to keep being annoyed until he notices his sister curled up on the sofa, head buried in her knees. Oh.</p><p>He lingers by the door for a moment, waiting to see if anything happens, but it doesn’t, so he sighs and puts down his bag by door, readjusting his hat to its normal position. Tricia doesn’t look up even as he sits down next to her, though he can tell she’s definitely crying now.</p><p>“…What happened,” he asks, and Tricia sniffs hard before she looks up.</p><p>“Nothing. Go away.”</p><p>“I will if you want.”</p><p>“It’s totally ruined,” Tricia mutters, using a hand to wipe at her face, head still low. “I don’t think she’s ever gonna fall in love with me.”</p><p>Craig keeps quiet, suddenly feeling kind of sorry for his sister. Maybe he’d kind of seen it coming, but still. It’d been easy for him. His first boyfriend has been his only boyfriend, and pretty much the first guy he’d liked too. But not everyone gets that lucky.</p><p>“I feel stupid,” Tricia carries on, still rubbing at her eyes. “Like, I wasn’t kidding. I actually like her.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“But I don’t think she’s gonna like me. She said- she said today she thought Ike was nice. Like- why would you like him. He’s Canadian. He looks like a fucking egg.”</p><p>“…Nice doesn’t mean she likes him,” Craig says, frowning. “It just means- nice.”</p><p>“But I bet that’s how it starts.” Tricia puts her head back onto her knees. “It’s hopeless. I can’t even get her to like me anyway. Every date I do goes wrong.”</p><p>“Tricia-“</p><p>“I’m giving up,” she says, sniffing hard. “She doesn’t like me, so. I give up. I don’t know what else to do. I’m not good at this.”</p><p>Craig pulls a face, mostly because he has no idea what to say or do that might be a comfort to her. To be honest, he’s not sure he really buys it. He was kind of expecting Tricia to say that Karen had moved on and gotten a boyfriend, but instead it was just a totally innocuous comment. Maybe spending too much time around Tweek is rubbing off on her, and now she’s overthinking too.</p><p>“Have you spoken to her?” Craig asks.</p><p>“No, because I’m giving up.”</p><p>“Just tell her straight.”</p><p>“I’m <em>not </em>straight.”</p><p>“I mean just tell her how you feel,” Craig says. “Then you’ll know for sure.”</p><p>“But then she’ll just reject me.”</p><p>“So? You’re already upset.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to, anyway,” Tricia mutters, and starts playing with her phone without raising her head. “I told you, I’m bad at it. Almost as bad as you.”</p><p>“You’re good at being direct. Just say it like that.”</p><p>“I just…dunno.” Tricia hunches her shoulders, and Craig knows he’s not going to get through to her anymore. Instead, he stands up and leaves her on the sofa, heading up to his room. And when he does, he sends a message to his friends, mind stuck on the things that everyone had said to him so far. Since he supposes they are kind of like him and Tweek, and everyone’s been rooting for it, and they seem to get along pretty well…</p><p>
  <em>does anyone have kenny’s number</em>
</p><p>He gets a reply within two minutes.</p><p>-</p><p>Eavesdropping is bad, and Craig is willing to admit this. They even once had a class in fifth grade about how bad eavesdropping is, and an invasion of privacy, and leads to more problems than it ever solves. Craig had spent much of that lesson on his phone, so he can’t say he really remembers too much.</p><p>That’s basically his excuse for why he ends up hovering at the top of the stairs, listening to his sister talk to Karen with a voice that isn’t even slightly hushed. He honestly doubts she’d even care if he she found out he was listening in. Besides, it’s thanks to him that they’re even talking right now, which is something he totally didn’t have to do but did. So, he at least deserves to hear the resolution.</p><p>Though, he missed the first part of it. Not his fault. He didn’t think she’d get here so quickly.</p><p>“-seemed upset today though,” Karen’s voice says, an edge of something apologetic in it. “I didn’t mean that Ike was cooler than you.”</p><p>“I know. I was upset but not ‘cause of that. Well, kind of because of that.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” A pause. “Is it because he’s Canadian? They’re not that bad-“</p><p>“No, I mean- because I thought you liked him.”</p><p>“But I do like Ike!”</p><p>“No, like- <em>like</em> him.”</p><p>“Oh…” Another stretch of silence. “I don’t like him like that.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“You thought I did?”</p><p>“Y-yeah.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because you said he was nice.”</p><p>“Not as nice as you!”</p><p>“I just thought you…”</p><p>“I don’t!” Karen’s voice quietens slightly. “I like you <em>best</em>, Tricia.”</p><p>The following pause is long enough for Craig to be sure that his sister is stuck in some kind of embarrassed state of shock, probably lost for a reply. It wouldn’t surprise him.</p><p>“Do you…do you like me so much that you want to get married and own a rat kingdom with me?”</p><p>Craig presses his eyes shut. Okay, no way was he <em>that</em> bad at romance.</p><p>“You’d really want to do that?” Karen asks, sounding oddly touched.</p><p>“Yeah. A lot.”</p><p>“Tricia…” she says softly. “Of course I would marry you! I really like you. You’re really cool. I thought you were <em>too </em>cool for me.”</p><p>“I’m not cool. I’m lame,” she says, and then- “Wait, you really want to get married?”</p><p>“Yeah!”</p><p>“Oh my god.”</p><p>“It’s really lucky too, because Kenny said I shouldn’t date any boys yet. But he didn’t say anything about girls.”</p><p>“I’m probably gay because my brother is. He passed it onto me.”</p><p>Karen laughs. “I didn’t know that could happen.”</p><p>“I guess I’m glad it did.”</p><p>Craig is half-tempted to go down just to tell them that he did not infect his sister with any kind of gay disease, but then he’ll be caught out listening, and probably break their moment anyway. He doesn’t really care too much about hearing anything else, so he retreats back to his room, feeling more satisfied than he’d been expecting. It’s nice that they worked out, even if he doesn’t really care too much either way. His friends are definitely happier than him, and he’s glad to at least put the whole thing to an end at last.</p><p>Later that night, when he’s busy reading some dumb article Jimmy sent, Tricia leans her head around his door. He doesn’t look up or say anything, though they’re both obviously aware if each other’s presence.</p><p>“...Did you do it?”</p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“Call Karen.”</p><p>“No,” Craig says honestly. “I rang Kenny, and he told her to come over.”</p><p>Tricia stares, then nods at him. “Thank you.”</p><p>“...It’s fine,” is all he can say, thrown off the sudden kindness of his sister. She doesn’t say anything else after that, and Craig waits until she’s back in her room before he smiles.</p><p>Kid romances aren’t always total failures. He’s pretty sure of that.</p><p>-</p><p>Monday morning, and Craig is trying his best to enjoy his breakfast, just like any other day. It’s generally not too hard to accomplish, considering his family don’t really talk to each other at mealtimes, especially in the mornings. Very quiet, and very boring. Craig is glad for things being back to normal. Just as it should be.</p><p>Tricia slams down a box of cereal on the table, gaining the attention of the room. Craig watches, silent, and his parents do the same.</p><p>“I have an announcement,” Tricia says. “Number one, I got a girlfriend and I’m going to be a better gay than Craig. Number two, I think this cereal is the one that made me gay so you should probably stop eating it before it’s too late for you.”</p><p>The room falls back to silence, and Craig tries to ignore the stares his parents are giving the two of them by carrying on chewing his breakfast.</p><p>“…What?”</p><p>As normal as it gets, anyway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i don't know why i like the tricia/karen ship lol, it's basically entirely fanon characterisation<br/>but somehow......it still strikes me as really pure ;w;;;;<br/>and i wanted to write some of craig being a big brother, since that's something we never get to see of him lol;;<br/>i hope you enjoyed it!! thank you for reading!!!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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